While not every Black woman feels this way, there are several reasons why some might:

1. Historical and Cultural Context

Black women have historically been denied autonomy — over their bodies, labor, and voices — from slavery through segregation and into modern systems of inequality. That legacy can still weigh heavily today, especially when cultural or systemic forces continue to treat Black women as caretakers, labourers, or stereotypes, rather than individuals with agency.

2. Societal Expectations and Pressure

Many Black women are expected to be everything for everyone: strong, nurturing, resilient, successful — often without the freedom to show vulnerability or ask for support. This "Strong Black Woman" stereotype can be a heavy burden, leading to feelings of invisibility or emotional exhaustion.

3. Family and Community Obligations

In many Black communities, women are central to holding families together, often acting as caregivers, financial providers, and emotional support systems. While this role is powerful, it can also leave little room for personal dreams, self-care, or individual identity.

4. Racism and Sexism (and Their Intersection)

Black women often experience a unique blend of racism and sexism, which can make them feel like they are constantly fighting for basic respect and recognition — in workplaces, healthcare, relationships, and the justice system. This constant battle can lead to feeling that one's life is shaped by external forces rather than personal choice.

5. Media and Representation

Media often portrays Black women through narrow lenses — hypersexualised, angry, or self-sacrificing — rarely showing them in complex or fully human roles. This lack of representation can reinforce the sense that society doesn't see or value them for who they really are.

When some Black women say or feel that their life is “not their own,” it’s often a response to being overburdened, overlooked, or overcontrolled by social systems, expectations, and histories that don’t honour their full humanity.